Untitled Poem

It’s not fair 

that you get to live a normal life

unharmed, untainted, unafraid.

It’s not fair 

that you’re strong and intimidating and wreckless.

It’s not fair

because here I am, a year later,

still broken, hurting, upset, sad, and scared.

I’m not scared of seeing you anymore.

I’m scared that I’ll fall back into your trap

like I did so many times,

apologizing because you said it was my fault

and I believed you..

I believed you.

And I lied to my family and my friends

when you gave me gifts and flowers and that damn Taylor Swift CD.

I let them think it was because you cared about me.

I let myself think it was a reward for being sorry.

I still don’t know what I was sorry for.

You chose to hurt me,

you chose to yell at me,

both for really no reason

and I know that now.

But I don’t understand why.

I doubt I ever will.

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